It's snowing!

Saturday, April 14; 4/14/2012 04:23:00 AM

dog shit luck

with the dog shit luck i'm having now, i won't be surprised if i go to work on monday to find everything gone awry. maybe calculation in the report wrongly done? emails wrongly sent?seriously unlucky. don't know where to hide my face.

siasuey

Never been so embarrassed in my entire life.
So embarrassed that I don't even feel like repeating the incident to anyone.
So embarrassed that I just want to hide in my blanket and never want to come out again.
Was hesitating whether I should respond. Eventually I did. Hope it doesn't open up another can of worms.

private twitter account. private facebook account. doesn't matter. guess there's no such thing as privacy in this world of high speed internet connections and 3G connections.

Tuesday, April 10; 4/10/2012 01:01:00 AM

$ money money money $

okies...I know the month has just started...
We are only in the first one third of the month..
but I'm already feeling a bit broke..
what have i spent on?
S$61 on 2 pairs of shoes, 1 bag and 3 tops/dresses
S$35 on cupcakes
S$50 to my bro
S$11 on The Vow
S$100 on credit card bills
S$64 for the auntie who cleans my hse
S$15.90 at marks and spencer on what else but food..
S$17 at Thai Express
other miscellaneous amounts on food
nothing very much what....
money just has a way of disappearing...
i guess my haircut would have to be postponed to next month...
In the meantime, (note to self) bear with my ugly hair...
ARGH!

Monday, April 9; 4/09/2012 10:32:00 PM

Hard truths

I'm like so dead.
Of all people..
Offend the wrong person.
This is called karma for trying to suan people..
zzz

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anyways, finally finished reading the book "Hard Truths about Singapore"
I'm embarassed to say that it took me so long to finish the book.
I do better than that usually.
I guess it gave me an insight into why things were done certain way, why certain decisions were made, certain policies were undertaken in the governing of Singapore.
Reading the book made me a bit depressed.
All that we have taken for granted, the security, the peace, the prosperity, the harmony all seemed to be so vulnerable coming from him.
Perhaps indeed the government has been sheltering us very well.
So much so that we, the younger generation become a lil sceptical of what they says about racial harmony, national identiy, and all..
Propaganda we say...
The Maria Hertough riot is just history material to us.
Nevertheless, I'm proud to be a Singaporean.
To stay in a country which is merit based, progressive, sound policies (generally), clean government (earning a lot of money).
Is this an elitist country? Perhaps.
But at least for the majority of the average people, we do get a chance to move ahead in life.
To be socially mobile.
With education, hardwork and prudent financial planning, it is possible to move up the income group in 1 generation.
How many other countries allow that?

In the book, what struck me the most was the attitude of LKY.
Doing the best they could, making the best decisions they could based on the available information they had at that point in time.
Things had to move forward.
It didn't matter what people thought of him.
He was not interested in introducing populist policies.
He was interested in doing the right things for Singapore.
LKY happens to be my boss's idol.
I can see why.
A very pragmatic man.
Many things we can learn from him in our attitude towards life.

Although I complain about the boss a lot, I'm secretly quite impressed.
A lot of what he says makes a lot of sense.
I'm sure many of ex-colleagues feel the same way...otherwise why would they stay for so many years?
To quote him
"A wise man learns from a fool's mistake. A fool learns from his own mistakes."
I vow to be the wise man. Someone else can be the fool.
And in governing Singapore, we observed other people, other political regimes, and the impact of policies undertaken by others and adapted them to suit our situation. Wise.

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On another note, went to watch The Vow yesterday.
Was actually a bit reluctant to go, but too paiseh to say "No."
What with having to wake up uber early yesterday, and it being a Sunday, the last day of a long weekend. Monday blues was absolutely setting in.
It turned out to be a pretty decent movie.
The simple love of the male protagonist for his wife who lost all her memories of him touched me.
He love her, he wanted her back. But he did not want to hurt her by revealing the truth about her family which would make her turn her back on her family, even though he knew it would make her come back to him.
In the end they fell in love all over again even though the female protagonist did not regain her memory.
A very simple story, not blockbuster material, but touching.
If you are meant to be, you are meant to be.
Moral of story: Always wear seatbelts while in the car. Save you the trouble of going through the above agony..of losing your memory yada yada...

Wednesday, April 4; 4/04/2012 01:03:00 AM

A few days ago, my colleague asked me, "Rae, what's your dream?"

And I replied, "I have no dream."

And she gave me a beautiful reply, "Everybody has dreams, only that you haven't discovered yours."

This question has been plaguing me even before I graduated from school, just that I choose to push this question to the back of my mind when it pops up.

Frankly speaking, I'm very envious of people who have a dream and a fixed goal in mind and work wholeheartedly to achieve it.

Ever since I got to know E in year 2, I had known that she dreamt of becoming a doctor. Unfortunately, for whatever reasons, she did not get into medical school, so she went to NBS. After graduating, she found a decent job with a decent pay and was classified as a super performer in her department. Her job allowed her flexibility and of course,enough monetary wise to travel once every 3 months (she could have just returned from her trip to Japan and still uploading pictures of her previous trip to San Francisco). Great job you might think. A few weeks ago, I met up with E again. She said she was applying to medical school (although not in Singapore) so that she could fulfill her dream of becoming a doctor. Now, how many people can give up all that they have achieved thus far to go for the unknown.

M is also someone whom I admire a lot for her drive, vigour and passion in going through life. She always seems to have boundless energy and the passion for learning new things and the knack for doing well in whatever hobby she was engaged in at the moment.

Everybody knows the saying "To live everyday as if it is your last."

But how many people actually practice it?

I don't.

In fact, I'm a huge ass procrastinator.

I'm thankful that I was surrounded by many passionate people during my JC and university life.

I was plain nua in secondary school, home by 2.30pm everyday..LOL

They were my influence for becoming active in school life and beyond. Being active in school activities in turn built up my personal confidence and other social skills.

Now, I need to find activities that I feel passionate about.

It's of not much use that I feel "passionate" about my tv shows right?

Doesn't add value to my life. haha

E ever told me, "Senior, go try as many things as you can, only then will you know what you like to do!"

I replied, "But....I don't know what I want to try!"

Then, a few weeks ago, heard about mb's father's condition.

I asked myself, "What would I do if I were in his situation, live for another 3 months without the operation or live for another 1 year with the operation but with continued chemotherapy?"

The answer came up to me very clearly.

I had seen my uncle and grandmother undergo chemotherapy.

It was a painful process.

For me, given that the chemotherapy was not going to improve my standard of living, I would probably choose not to undergo the operation.

Instead of saddling the family with the ginormous medical bills, I would prefer to spend the money to go on a trip with my family and loved ones.

Let their memories of myself be that of a happy and cheerful daughter/sister/cousin/niece/friend, instead of being withdrawn and frail.

What else would I want to do?

I came up with another answer, I would want to learn more about buddhism, the teachings, the way of life, mediatation.

So I asked myself, why should I wait until I'm about to die then start to learn about Buddhism.

Can I not start right now?

See what I mean about me being a huge ass procrastinator?

Nothing done as of now.

*Note to self: to find out more about Buddhism classes*

List of things to do this year:

1. Start Buddhism classes

2. Volunteer

3. Start driving lessons

*Start driving lessons after I remove my braces and pay off those darn tuition fee loan of mine*

Perhaps, putting down the things to accomplish in writing would make the goals appear more realistic and I will actually start getting them done.

Ok, it's late. I guess at some time in life, we've got to start thinking about the meaning of our own existence.And perhaps, of late, I find that my self has been getting more and more dominated by work, which definitely ain't healthy. In other words,I need a LIFE!!

It's great that I can put my thoughts into writing. As we grow older, human relationships tend to get more superficial. Maybe because, we become more afraid of expressing our thoughts to others for fear of the opinions and criticisms of others.