Something to de-stress.....enjoy this.....
> Top joke in UK
>
> A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
> The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.
> Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She
> says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man
> says: "You go right up there and tell him off go ahead, I'll hold
> your monkey for you.
>
>
> Top joke in USA
>
> A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf
> course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a
> long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in
> mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in
> prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and
> touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man. The man
> then replies: "Yeah, wel we were married for 35 years."
>
>
> Top joke in Canada
>
> When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they
> quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.
> To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion
> to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater,
> on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from
> below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.
>
>
> Top joke in Australia
> This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all
> strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me.
>
> When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw
> my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty,
> my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like
> look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor?" The doctor looks her
> over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you
> that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."
>
>
> THE WINNING JOKE
>
> A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when
> one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his
> eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell
> phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My
> friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice
> says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's
> dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes
> back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
>
>
> SECOND PLACE
> Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After
> a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go
> to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful
> friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see
> millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson. "And what do
> you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well,
> astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and
> potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn
> is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a
> quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a
> beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all
> powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the
> universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes is silent for a
> moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
>
>
> Top Joke in England
>
> Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to
> insult the other one.
> He screams, "I slept with your mother!"
> The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the
> other weasel will do.
> The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"
> The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
>
> Top Joke in Wales
>
> A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a
> gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the
> turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the
> detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know,
> it all happened so fast."
>
> Top Joke in Scotland
>
> I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
> Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
>
>
> Top Joke in Northern Ireland
>
> A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'.
> 'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient.
> The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'.
> 'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news
> possibly be worse?'
> The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterda